


Looking

by ActiveAggression



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Asexual Jughead Jones, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Season/Series 01, swearing galore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActiveAggression/pseuds/ActiveAggression
Summary: I started writing this ages ago, like riverdale coming out ages, and it's been sitting in my drive collecting dust so I thought i'd share it with you all. It's undoubtedly terrible, likely has a bunch of mistakes, and it's definitely not my usual but here we are anyway.I tagged as underage, though I don't specify their ages nor do I think they are under the age of 16 (age of consent in my country), just in case.





	Looking

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this ages ago, like riverdale coming out ages, and it's been sitting in my drive collecting dust so I thought i'd share it with you all. It's undoubtedly terrible, likely has a bunch of mistakes, and it's definitely not my usual but here we are anyway. 
> 
> I tagged as underage, though I don't specify their ages nor do I think they are under the age of 16 (age of consent in my country), just in case.

It begins at school.

Jughead’s in the corridor, minding his own business, but he can hear Reggie’s laugh from behind him. It doesn’t surprise him at all when Reggie goes out of his way to shove Jughead into the lockers. The locks grind into his shoulder blades but he barely notices it... Jason Blossom is looking at him.

Jughead isn’t sure what the boy sees then; a slouch of pale skin and under-eye bags, or maybe he sees Jughead hit the lockers - his mouth gasping open, eyes falling shut as the impact shudders through him. Maybe Jason sees the long column of Jughead’s neck, or the spread of his lips.

Whatever it is, Jason stumbles and when he glances back again he looks confused. Jughead notices him looking and smirks, waves mock cheerfully. He’s not quite sure but he thinks he sees Jason flush before he turns away.

And then, it starts.

Jughead licks yogurt off his spoon and sees Jason staring at him.

Jughead falls asleep in class and when he wakes, Jason quickly looks away.

Jughead licks his teeth clean and Jason stumbles into him.

Jughead leans against his locker and Jason walks into an open door across the hall.

Jughead snarks at Reggie and it’s Jason who jumps up and pushes him into a wall. Shock filters through the redhead’s eyes as he realises he’d barely shoved Jughead at all and it’s a lot more like he _pressed_ Jughead into the wall.

See, Jughead aspires to be a writer - or at the very least, write - and therefore he can tell you there are certain connotations associated with ‘pressed’ that are wildly different to the ones associated with ‘pushed’. ‘Pressed’ isn’t necessarily an intimate word, but when it’s applied to the situation of one boy pressing another against a wall, and said boy doing the pressing has been blatantly obsessing over the other’s mouth for weeks, the connotations around ‘pressed’ become something that can’t quite be described as not-intimate.

Jughead isn’t sure if the same ideas around the word ‘pressed’ come into Jason’s mind, but the redhead practically leaps away from him regardless.

Jughead knows what this is. He’s not oblivious nor dumb, even if he is a little socially inept. He knows he’s distracting Jason - or rather, his features are. Jason likes his neck and his mouth and stares at them frequently. He also stares at Jughead’s thighs when they’re sitting near each other in class. Jughead knows the redhead finds him attractive.

He’s just not sure what to do about it.

He knows objectively Jason’s handsome and he knows his heart lurches uncomfortably whenever Jason’s skin touches his own.

He also knows Jason’s heart doesn’t feel anything about Jughead. It’s all about sex. God, Jughead hates sex.

Regardless, it's not as if the passing looks will become something real. Jughead isn't sure if he's relieved or unhappy about that. 

 

Days pass with those lingering glances, and then Jason grazes him in the hallway. His fingers glide up Jughead’s wrist, over his pulse and he just carries on. It’s like he doesn’t even notice.

Jughead however, staggers and has to rest against the row of lockers beside him. His heartbeat is rocketing in his ears and the reality of what’s happened is so obvious that Jughead can scarcely believe it. Jason’s little obsession with him has become something more. Something that Jughead wants to return. He wants to hold Jason’s hand. He wants to kiss the redhead and run his fingers through that ridiculous hair and… fuck he just wants to be touched.

He doesn’t want it to be sexual, but he doesn’t care at this point if it is. He just wants to touch Jason, even if all the older boy wants is a quick fuck in the back of his cherry red convertible. Maybe Jason would cuddle him afterwards - longshot - but maybe it’d all be worth it for that chance of being held.

Fuck, he’s so screwed.

 

He goes to Pop’s after school, pulling his laptop out of it’s bag and flinging everything else into the corner of the booth.

He’s done a fair amount of research into asexuality already, but at the time he’d never considered having sex. Ever.

And now he is and- he really just needs to sort his life out really because he just can’t can’t can’t

He types ‘asexual sex’ into the search bar. He knows already he isn’t disgusted at the thought of sex, but he also knows he isn’t interested in the concept as a whole. It just kind of existed, on the fringes of his thoughts like a passing tumbleweed. For Archie, it’s probably more like an everlasting tornado swirling through his mind; the great red spot of sexual energy. 

He finds a page, scrolls to the right section - ‘what if I do want it?- and reads the same sentence over and over and nods. Yeah.

 

‘Then go for it.  You’re allowed to have sex, even if you’re asexual.’

 

 _I am_ , Jughead thinks, _I can do this_. But then he reads the next sentence and feels a little hollow.

 

‘If you decide to have sex, make sure you’re doing it for the right reason.’

 

Was the right reason ever in a million years going to be, ‘I need to have sex so Jason Blossom might, possibly, maybe cuddle me’? Probably not. Whatever.

He finishes reading the section but doesn’t really take anything in and then Jason Blossom slides into the booth across from him. Jughead blinks and shuts his computer.

He hadn’t really expected to see Jason anymore today. He certainly hadn’t expected the redhead to join him in his booth. At first he assumes Jason’s made some kind of mistake and he’ll realise any second and leave but then Jason’s eyes meet his and Jughead throws that theory out the window.

Jughead’s not oblivious. He knows that look Jason gives him; the flicker of want and uncertainty as Jason’s eyes travel from Jughead’s own, down to his lips and then his throat.

“You lost?” Jughead mumbles, more out of habit than anything else. Jason isn’t lost; Jughead knows that, but he gives the Blossom boy a chance to change his mind.

Jason smiles, “No. I’m not,” and his eyes catch on Jughead’s lips.

Jughead sighs inwardly; fucking sex, man.

“Your car then?” Jughead mumbles, already regretting even thinking about this. God, it’ll be awful - but cuddling! - no. Awful.

Jason studies him. “I’m sorry,” he starts, “Were you not just reading an article about asexuals having sex?”

Jughead tries to remain impassive, “so what?”

“So, you’re not that subtle Jones. It’s obvious you aren’t into it.”

Jughead pauses, “then why the fuck are you here?”

Jason shrugs, “I’m into you. There’s no pressure, I just like looking at you.”

Jughead scowls. He’s not used to people being… decent. Or understanding. And if there was ever someone he would expect to know less about asexuality than Archie… well, honestly it would be Reggie. But Jason would be up there. “What if I want to?” he asks roughly.

“You don’t.”

Jughead doesn’t like this. He assumed Jason would be pushy and he isn’t. He wants to kiss him.

“... Could we try?” he asks and hates how fucking vulnerable he sounds.

Jason’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly and he licks his lips. “Do you want to?”

“Yeah,” Jughead admits, unsure whether he’s lying or not. 

“And you’ll tell me if it’s uncomfortable?” Jason asks, "If you want to stop? Because I will.”

Jughead considers the other boy and all the expectations he’d had that are wrong. “Yeah. Whatever. I will.”

 

* * *

 

Even after a month of _this,_ Jughead still finds it surprising to be in Jason’s car with him. Even more surprising is how Jason’s mouth is pressed tight against his own. Weirder still, Jughead _likes_ it.

Jason’s got Jughead’s face cupped within his hands and Jughead’s got his own hands buried in Jason’s fiery hair. He never thought he could feel so good and carefree sitting in someone else’s lap. He thought whenever he got around to things like this he’d be worried every step of the way, about them taking it too far - about him freaking out.

Jason moves slow. He always tells Jughead what he wants to do and asks permission and fuck, Jughead feels like he’s being courted.

It’s not bad. They cuddle a lot and Jughead’s gotten used to the slow grinding sessions in the convertible until Jason’s gasping and tells him to stop. Jughead didn’t get why he did that until Jason had come undone one time and instead of falling into a boneless post-orgasm sleep, he glanced worriedly at Jughead and asked if he was okay.

Jughead had nodded and said yeah, because like he gave a shit if Jason came or not. Still, Jason keeps getting right to the brink and instead of just _letting go,_ he ends up gasping ‘stop stop’ and pushing at Jughead until Jughead does stop. It’s honestly the most annoying thing he’s ever experienced.

Jason’s about to do it again, Jughead knows, and he just can’t fucking stand it. He grinds down low and Jason groans, grabs his hips and whispers ‘wait’. Jughead grabs those same hands and pins them back against the seat.

Jason’s eyes fly open. “Wha-” he tries but doesn’t get much further because Jughead grinds down again and harder and faster and Jason comes. Easy peasy. Jughead examines the other, noting his gasping mouth and how his hands shake where Jughead’s pinned them.

“You okay?” Jughead asks because he’s suddenly aware he might have gone too far and you aren’t meant to ignore people saying ‘wait’ in situations like these and you sure as hell aren’t meant to just pin them down and fucking sexually assault them with your mostly flaccid dick.

Jason starts laughing. “I’m fine,” he chuckles, “fucking great actually. Guess you really don’t mind then.”

Jughead scowls, “I said I didn’t.”

“I know. I just didn’t want to overstep anything.”

“You haven’t.”

“Good, now come ‘ere.”

Jason pulls Jughead in against his chest, presses a soft kiss into his forehead and Jughead accepts it but has no idea what the hell they’re actually doing. Does Jason think they’re dating? Does he want that? Does Jason want that?

Jughead just doesn’t know.

 

* * *

 

Him and Jason don’t talk in school

 

* * *

 

Jason figures out Jughead’s living at the drive-in before anyone else. He drives them there and as Jughead moves to climb over the console and into Jason’s lap, Jason gets out of the car.

Jughead frowns at him, hoping the question is obvious.

“Come on,” Jason says, “I want to see your room.”

Jughead has no idea how he knows. He considers being defensive, telling Jason to go home, but can't bring himself to care enough. He leads Jason to his little room in the projection office. The redhead looks around a little, but then he’s turning abruptly.

“I want to make out,” he declares.

“Okay?”

“On the bed, shirtless. Is that okay with you?”

Jughead sighs because he doesn’t see why Jason insists on these awkward conversations and shrugs his layers of shirts over his head. Jason’s watching him carefully and follows him to the cot in the corner.

“You want to be on top?” he asks.

Jughead shrugs, like it doesn’t matter but he’s already laying down on the bed because he’s never been on the bottom before and wants to try it out. Jason carefully climbs in with him, propping himself up over Jughead.

“Good?” he asks and Jughead groans, pulling Jason down to kiss him.

 

* * *

 

Jughead actually gets hard one time when they’re making out and Jason’s breath hitches when he notices.

“Jug-” he starts but Jughead shushes him with a kiss.

“Ignore it,” he murmurs, pulling back just enough to get the words out.

“You’re hard,” Jason continues, oblivious to how _ignore it_ usually works.

Jughead sighs. He _is_ hard. Horribly achingly hard and he honestly has no idea why.

“Ignore it,” he insists and Jason groans, arches up beneath him.

“Please,” Jason breathes, “please let me touch you. Jug-”

Jughead licks along the older boy’s neck, considering. They haven’t really engaged much with dicks. Not directly. There’s a lot of making out and grinding but Jughead’s never actually seen Jason’s dick, and definitely vice versa. He doesn’t know if that’s what Jason wants now or if he means he wants to touch through Jughead’s thick jeans but finds he doesn’t really mind.

“Yeah okay,” he acquiesces and starts shuffling his jeans down his waist. From Jason’s wide-eyed look he gathers it’s not what the redhead had expected. He pauses. “Should I keep them on?”

“No,” Jason says immediately, shaking his head, “please.”

Jughead moves off Jason’s lap, pulls his jeans and underwear down in one go - not all the way, just enough to get his cock out. It is really strange how hard it is. He runs a hand along it and curses. He doesn’t think he’s _ever_ been this hard before.

Jason’s watching him, open-mouthed and looking a little dumb. He reaches up hesitantly, ghosts his fingers over Jughead’s own, touching the soft skin in between.

Jughead groans. It feels pretty good. Novel almost. He moves his own hand, let’s Jason's replace it, and moves back onto Jason’s lap before he forgets. His jeans pull tight around his thighs but not enough to be in the way.

Jason’s hand starts moving and… yeah. Feels decent. Not as good as one of Pop’s milkshakes, but not bad. Jughead doesn’t think he’d want to do it _all_ the time, but occasionally maybe.

He tries to grind down against Jason’s lap but with his jeans caught where they are he doubts the other boy feels much.

“You wanna - ah, fuck. You gonna join me?”

Jason raises an eyebrow, opens his mouth, undoubtedly to ask if Jughead’s really _really_ okay, and snaps it shut again, thinking better of it. Thank god.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, most of his focus still on Jughead’s dick. It’s a little disconcerting.

Jason shuffles them around, doesn’t make Jughead hop off, just brings his free hand in between them and unzips his fly. He does have to let go to get the button and Jughead replaces the contact with his own hand because it seems like the thing to do. Jason’s busy fumbling with his jeans so Jughead figures it’s fine to give himself a few quick strokes. It feels okay, kind of absent up until he flicks his thumb over the tip and the feeling is so electric he gasps and his head drops between his shoulders. 

It’s weird, and his hip bones feel strange so he stills his movements. When he looks up Jason’s staring at him.

“What?” he asks self-consciously, “why are your jeans still on?”

“That-” Jason licks his lips, “that was hot.”

Jughead’s can’t help the little flush of happiness at that. “Whatever,” he finally says, following up the indifference with a shrug, “get your pants off.”

Jason nods, lifts his hips up, pressing into Jughead’s jeans where they’re still trapped around his knees. Jason starts shuffling his own jeans down, underwear as well, until Jughead has a moment of realisation and gets off him.

“What?” Jason asks, a thatch of red pubic hair exposed along with the first inch or so of his cock.

Jughead doesn’t answer, shuffles out of his own jeans entirely, and sinks back down over Jason.

This time when he grinds down into Jason’s hips, Jason gasps and yeah… it’s much better.

Jason works doubletime to get his own pants down his hips and then… then… then…

“What the fuck,” Jughead hisses. They’ve found a rhythm where their dicks press together just right, and Jason’s hip bones are digging sharp into Jughead’s thighs. Jughead tilts his head back, presses down harder. “God, it never feels like this.”

“What doesn’t?” Jason manages, though he looks two steps away from coming.

“My dick,” Jughead supplies. It really doesn’t. He’s never been this hard, and touching has never felt like this.

“Good?” Jason asks.

“Yeah,” Jughead pants, “fuck, it’s so good. It’s so- oh fuck.”

There’s a feeling building in his gut. One he hasn’t felt in years, abandoned when he was fourteen and decided this whole jerking off thing just wasn’t for him.

Jughead’s eyes are closed so it’s completely unexpected when there’s suddenly tight pressure around his dick, pressing it close to Jason’s own. If it weren’t so unexpected he may have been able to stop it, control himself. As it is… he comes, throws his head back and whines, stupid stupid stupid.

Jason makes a sound like he’s finishing too and Jughead just… rips himself away, stumbles off the cot and falls to the floor. He feels messy and wrong and he hates it. Really hates it.

“Jug?” Jason asks hesitantly, coming off the cot to kneel in front of him. “You okay?”

“No,” he says, eyes on the floor, “no. I don’t like that. I don’t-”

“Hey,” Jason says, in what is probably meant to be a soothing tone. A hand appears in Jughead’s vision and he flinches away from it, flinches right into Jason’s open arms. “It’s okay,” Jason murmurs into his ear.

“I’m sorry,” Jughead manages and he feels seconds away from crying. Stupid.

“No,” Jason counters, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

“There’s something wrong with me,” Jughead continues, “I’m not right.”

“You’re perfect,” Jason says, so so quietly, and he takes his letterman jacket off, wraps it around Jughead’s shoulders. “You’re so fine.”

 

* * *

 

They went over it at the time, but when Jughead hops into Jason’s car two days later he still says, “sorry for freaking out on you.”

“You know it’s fine, Jug,” Jason says. Then, in full view of Pop’s, reaches over and pulls Jughead into a hug. “It’s fine.”

Jughead pulls himself out of the hug feeling lost and confused. Has their dynamic changed? Jughead was under the impression the entire thing was meant to be a secret.

“Where - uh - where are we going today?” he asks.

“The river?” Jason suggests, and it’s still weird even now that he always asks. Nothing is ever okay unless Jughead thinks it’s okay.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Jughead says. Yet another place to add to his mental list of _places where Jason and I have made out._ So far the list includes Jason’s stupid car, the drive-in, Pop’s bathroom (Jughead still feels bad about that), the school bathroom, the school equipment shed, the middle of several forests, and, tentatively, Jason’s maple syrup shed.

 

Jughead attempts to climb over the console the moment they’re there, but Jason gets out of the car.

“What?” he asks dumbly.

Jason ignores him and goes rummaging through the boot of his car, emerging with a literal wicker basket.

“ _What?”_ Jughead asks again, because he thought they were here for a round of teenage grinding, not a fucking _picnic_ or whatever.

Jason stops, mouth twisting to the side like he isn’t sure what to say, or if he should be saying anything. “Look Jug, after last time I just… I think we could use a break from the sex stuff. Focus on other things.”

“Other things,” Jughead repeats, because they’re together for sex. Not other things. Sure they cuddle and all, but that’s a side product of sex.

“Yeah,” Jason says, looking almost bashful, “do you want to do this or not?” He holds the basket a little higher. “I can take you home if you’re… uncomfortable.”

Jughead stares. Jason is trying to _date_ him. It’s something he’s wanted since the beginning, but he’d resigned himself to it being a lost cause. Jason would never want him like that, except… except…

Jughead wants to say _it’s fine,_ or _yes this is all I’ve been dreaming about._ What comes out is, “I - I - I can’t.”

Jason’s face falls.

“I can’t,” Jughead says again, steadier. It’s not what he wants but it’s so much to wrap his mind around. He needs a minute. Or a couple days. Something. “I - fuck - I need to go.”

Jason’s face twists, angry. “What is this Jughead?” he spits, “were you fucking _using me for sex?_ An asexual using me for sex! Do you feel anything? Fuck!” He spins on his heel, gets into the car. “Get out,” he says, “get the fuck out.”

Jughead scrambles out of the car and Jason drives away. Leaves him there.

“Fuck.”

 

* * *

 

It’s three a.m the next day and Jughead’s phone’s vibrating hard against the table. It doesn’t wake him because he hasn’t slept yet. There’s a picture of an orange with an angry face flashing over and over which means it’s Jason calling him. At three a.m.

Jughead picks it up. He can’t help it. He can’t help anything when it comes to Jason.

“Jug,” Jason’s voice sounds, “fuck Jug. I made a mistake. I’m so sorry. So sorry. Oh god. I can’t - I wasn’t thinking.” He’s slurring, drunk.

“You kill someone?” Jughead deadpans.

“Fuck Jug,” Jason says, “it’s not fucking funny. I - I’m sorry. If I could take it back I would. I really would.”

He starts into incoherent apologies and Jughead cuts him off quickly. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah,” Jason breathes, “yeah. In the garden.”

“Go inside,” Jughead instructs, “get some sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

He hangs up before Jason can reply.

 

* * *

 

He expects Jason to call in the morning but he doesn’t. Probably sleeping off the hangover.

Jughead’s definitely surprised when he walks into school and Jason’s already there being all jocky with Reggie.

Jason sees him and looks away, won't meet his eyes at all.

Jughead sighs, buries his face in his coat. And thus, their tale is over. As expected.

 

* * *

 

Polly Cooper disappears from school. Jughead wouldn't have usually noticed but the rumours flying around are of particular interest to him.  _Pregnant,_ people keep saying,  _pregnant. Wonder who's it is._

All Jughead can think about is the little conversations he saw and didn't think anything of. Polly talking urgently to Jason. Them yelling across the field. Jason squaring his jaw in that way he does when he's determined...

Jason calling him at three a.m, drunk, to apologise for a mistake he'd made. 

Jughead wishes he felt angry but, as usual, he feels nothing. Jason called him perfect once, but he couldn't have known about the absence of feeling, the hollow that occupies Jughead's chest - where most people have a heart. 

The absence lasts for three days and then abruptly disappears. Without it Jughead finds himself on the floor of the drive-in, crying non-stop, for four straight days. 

The return of feeling doesn't make him feel any more perfect. 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s months before Jason talks to him again. He’s been looking, little inconspicuous glances all the time, but they never linger and never stay and never lead to actual contact.

That is until Jason comes straight up to Jughead’s table at Pop’s and says, “you should sit with me.”

“That’s a bad plan,” Jughead notes.

“I want to talk to you,” Jason persists.

“I’d really rather not.”

Jason fidgets, lingers. A couple of people from school are staring. “You still have my letterman?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Jughead answers, “you want it back?” He finds it doubtful - Jason is wearing a replacement jacket currently.

“No I - you should wear it.”

Jughead gives him a look. “That’s not how you keep secrets.”

“You were never a secret,” Jason says, slowly, quietly, with purpose. Then he walks away, back to his table.

 

* * *

 

Jughead holds out. He holds out for so long. Him and Jason wont work together, they’re too different, and gay in a town where hate speech is almost more acceptable than kindness. It rolls over and over in his mind. Him and Jason, him and Jason, them, together, the sparse cuddles morphing into something more, meaningful and strong. Them taking on the world.

Archie’s talking fast about love and Jughead’s thinking about it, blocking out Archie’s daft feelings for his own daft feelings.

“Do you believe that there’s _the one?_ ” Archie asks, “you know-”

“I know what you mean,” Jughead cuts him off, “and no. Relationships are hard. They require effort. It’s not just a _bam, you’re the one for me._ There’s conflict. There’s-” His fingers twitch against his phone. “Fuck Arch, I gotta make a call.”

“Cool cool,” Archie says, nodding. “I really think the one could exist, you know.”

Jughead rolls his eyes, pulls his phone out. He stands in the hallway, waiting waiting waiting for the ringing to stop. Eventually it goes through the answerphone, Jason's voice deep and perfect in his ear, and he’s about to say something, leave a message, except he suddenly hears Archie’s dad talking to Archie in the other room.

“Jason Blossom’s missing.”

Jughead chokes on a breath, drops his phone.

“Son, they think he’s dead.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry. Hope you enjoy or get out of this whatever you want to get out of it. I just wanted asexual Jughead and not entirely a dickhead Jason. Please let me know if my portrayal of an asexual character is shit. I know it differs from person to person. Any suggestions are more than welcome. 
> 
> (I did actually find a page on asexuality for when Jughead's doing his search, but it was a long time ago and I don't remember what it was and stupidly didn't record it. Sorry)
> 
> \- Activeaggression


End file.
